I'm Kevin Tomlinson, 24, single. I'm into Melodeath, Dungeon Crawlers, and looking better than your boyfriend. I believe in Deism, and the will of one's conscience.
I feel like I’m the king of the friendzone. I can turn from a love interest into a platonic friend in 2 seconds flat.
Female Logic
One of the most frustrating social conventions for me would have to be that men have to initiate, pay for, and vocalize everything FOR WOMEN. So what we get are a bunch of girls who are waiting to be asked on a date, whom have never bothered to give a hint at whether or not they would even accept the offer. It’s like Russian Roulette on the guy’s end of things.
If a guy complains that a girl doesn’t want him, it’s because he’s offered his feelings and has been shot down. When a girl complains that a man doesn’t want her, it’s because she’s over-thought the idea so much that she’s talked herself out of even liking the guy anymore because she’s convinced that he doesn’t like her back.
Why do I have to be so attracted to shy girls! ?
They always break plans and wait for you to text first. They make no moves, but give all the signals. They get nervous and anxious around you, and never ask questions.
Here I sit, stood up for the 4th time and ready to throw in the towel. Jane Doe, if you’re reading this, MAKE A MOVE!
If you wanna talk to me, fine.
But if you’re also talking to my best friend, count me out of that dance party. I don’t do that dance.
I love you… but
13 steps to becoming a SLUT (guaranteed)
1. DO NOT choose between two best friends after you’ve already expressed interest in both.
2. DO NOT get involved with one of the two, then move onto the other.
3. DO NOT suggest that the one you chose second agree to a threesome with the one you chose before him.
4. DO NOT ignore your boyfriend/girlfriend when they say that you are not over the first choice that you promised to let go of.
5. DO NOT juggle both of these people in your heart in secret. Or misrepresent your feelings to either.
6. DO NOT allow the former choice to expose their nakedness to you, especially in front of the latter choice.
7. NEVER condone the nakedness of the former, should they chose to reveal their nakedness to you.
8. NEVER show affection towards the former choice, especially in front of the latter choice.
9. NEVER spend time alone with the former at the expense of the latter’s trust in you.
10. If you’ve failed to follow steps 1-9, then DO NOT be surprised when you find yourself fucking the person who came before the person you’re with.
11. DO NOT keep your cheating a secret for any extended length of time. The longer you wait to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, the longer your boyfriend/girlfriend will be aware that you are able to deceptively appear innocent.
11. NEVER, EVER beg to be forgiven for cheating, if you’re not prepared to be treated like a cheater until you’ve proven yourself trustworthy again.
12. If you’ve failed to follow all of these steps, DO NOT be surprised that your boyfriend/girlfriend has been secretly looking for your replacement since step 3. He/She is justified.
13. And lastly, YES you are now considered a SLUT.
Here’s a thought for the narrow-minded.
Ask her what she did to make me angry, before you write me off as an asshole.
My kids are calling her boyfriend “Daddy” now.
Because she told them to.
Guess what?
When two people divorce, chances are, they disagree on shit. Why should I defend her side of the story!?
Prove me wrong
One day at a time, I suppose. Until it still feels worth the effort, or not. I can’t change the past, but in the end, the past is what we know of each other’s problem-solving skills, and ways of handling ourselves during tough times. It’s our only guide in determining what we can expect out of the future. Prove me wrong, because as of now, I have a clear idea of what kind of person you are, and what you are capable of. Show me that the person I’ve been in love with for 9 months isn’t you, because I’m not sure that girl is somebody I can keep around for much longer.
