Into the Flood Again...

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1. DO NOT choose between two best friends after you’ve already expressed interest in both.

2. DO NOT get involved with one of the two, then move onto the other.

3. DO NOT suggest that the one you chose second agree to a threesome with the one you chose before him.

4. DO NOT ignore your boyfriend/girlfriend when they say that you are not over the first choice that you promised to let go of.

5. DO NOT juggle both of these people in your heart in secret. Or misrepresent your feelings to either.

6. DO NOT allow the former choice to expose their nakedness to you, especially in front of the latter choice.

7. NEVER condone the nakedness of the former, should they chose to reveal their nakedness to you. 

8. NEVER show affection towards the former choice, especially in front of the latter choice.

9. NEVER spend time alone with the former at the expense of the latter’s trust in you.

10. If you’ve failed to follow steps 1-9, then DO NOT be surprised when you find yourself fucking the person who came before the person you’re with. 

11. DO NOT keep your cheating a secret for any extended length of time. The longer you wait to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, the longer your boyfriend/girlfriend will be aware that you are able to deceptively appear innocent. 

11. NEVER, EVER beg to be forgiven for cheating, if you’re not prepared to be treated like a cheater until you’ve proven yourself trustworthy again. 

12. If you’ve failed to follow all of these steps, DO NOT be surprised that your boyfriend/girlfriend has been secretly looking for your replacement since step 3. He/She is justified.

13. And lastly, YES you are now considered a SLUT. 

I finally feel like next month I’m finally going to see my kids again. I’m trying to book a flight sometime right after Drake’s 5th birthday. The best part is knowing that my old friend Sam is willing to let me stay with him for the whole trip so I could save on hotel costs. I’m sure I’ll have pictures of me crying like a little bitch, but I don’t care because my boys are the only live people on this planet that make me cry real tears. If that’s not true love, then I don’t know what is.

One day at a time, I suppose. Until it still feels worth the effort, or not. I can’t change the past, but in the end, the past is what we know of each other’s problem-solving skills, and ways of handling ourselves during tough times. It’s our only guide in determining what we can expect out of the future. Prove me wrong, because as of now, I have a clear idea of what kind of person you are, and what you are capable of. Show me that the person I’ve been in love with for 9 months isn’t you, because I’m not sure that girl is somebody I can keep around for much longer.

I think I’m going to be one of those guys that both craves close friendship with another guys, but avoids them at the same time. I imagine it being a mix of “too close” and “never close enough”. Every best friend I ever had eventually disappeared without a trace. I met my first best friend while fighting over a girl, and I recently lost my last best friend the same way. It’s just not worth it anymore. No more brothers or “brothers” for me.

I love it when I do something cheesy to get your attention, and you get that look in your eyes that tells me, “it worked.”

In the past, when Angelica and I were upset with each other, she always just sat there and let me talk, because apparently I always know just what to say to make her feel special. So since tonight, she’s not here with me and I can’t speak to her directly, I wrote her a letter and posted it to her Facebook wall. For convenience… here’s the letter on Tumblr. Please read below, and respond to my ask box if you feel the need.

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“Happy birthday, Angel. 

Last year, just after your 22nd birthday you and I became friends. Those were very complicated times for me and just months before then I was battling with the daunting decision of telling my wife that I wasn’t in love with her anymore. Through the beginnings of my friendship with you, my wife and I had decided that a divorce was on  our horizon, and that we should begin to prepare for a divorce without separation beforehand. Just four months after you and I met, my wife and I broke up, and after another week, we were completely severed from one another. She soon met another man, and I soon realized that you were something special. Great respect was on both sides of the split, and good luck was wished for further romantic endeavors with other people.

Though it took you a little more time than for me, I fell in love. For the first time in 9 years, I had butterflies. Most would say it was too soon after a divorce, but when you fall out of love, your heart quickly becomes hungry again, and with an empty stomach. And when you’re hungry, you know exactly what you want to appease your aches and pains with. You just know. About two months later, you told me you loved me back, and the butterflies went crazy inside of me. 

The following two months were wonderful. I felt like a kid again. Like as if I hadn’t been in a relationship for the past 9 years, but that it was all new again, because it was a new beginning with you. And nothing else that I knew of relationships prior were relevant.

When December came, you witnessed the most honest and true moment of my adult life, the day I had to watch my two beautiful children leave for California. And it was the first time I had cried actual tears since 2007. It was the first time you, or my boys had ever seen me cry and I hold that moment dear to my heart, because I got to share it with the three of you. The three most important people in my life other than my own mother; Drake, Brock, and you, Angel. That morning seemed to last forever, didn’t it? It was as if the boys knew something wasn’t right, and eventually, they started getting emotional, too. Watching you cry real tears while holding my two year old son, Brock was one of the most special moments of my life. I was honored just to watch your love pour out your eyes, and onto his little head. (*I’m crying again*) (:

Soon-after that day, you moved in with me. It was the best thing you could have done. I couldn’t bear a single day alone after seeing my boys go without me. You were everything I could ask for in comfort, love, hope, and a purpose to keep surviving until, and after the day we get to see my handsome boys again. I couldn’t imagine taking that plane, and sharing that anticipation with anyone else. 

Today is your birthday, and you’re now 23 years old. With the variable of just a few more days, we’ve been a steady-moving freight train headed towards a new horizon. The best way I could describe it is the way Christians anticipate a heaven they’ve never seen, or a God they hardly know. I don’t put too much faith in deities, so you can see why most of my faith lies in you and I, and the knowledge that you and I are meant for great things. 

I know you may have noticed that I left a lot of details out. I focused on the ‘ups, and avoided the ‘downs. This is because the downs aren’t what matter, it’s the ‘ups. If we must reminisce of the past, then why not speak of only the things that move us forward, the things that brought us here, and the things that remind us of why we continue to fight for the chance to be in love for just one more day— every day of our lives.

I love you more than I could ever love the thought of a day without you. I fear the sun may not rise without you here. I hope you’re safe, I hope you’re warm. And I hope you’re smiling at the end of this sentence. ”

I decided, to treat myself with a new smartphone— MY FIRST smartphone, mind you, and It’s an AT&T Avail. It runs Android 2.3 at the moment, and believe it or not, it’s a GoPhone! I only paid $130 for this thing. Best investment I ever made.

I was able to pay my child support again this month. Not many of you will understand why I typed that, but if you do then great. It’s a very rewarding feeling when you pay your child support. Also relative to this paragraph, I got to Skype with my boys yesterday. And despite the fact that their mom doesn’t let them watch Spongebob anymore, (I know, horrible parent right?) my 4 year old still knows all the words to the theme song. d(^_^)z

Angelica and I had a crazy day yesterday. The morning started out with us pissed off at each other, because I kinda sorta commented on a girl’s status that she doesn’t like too much through her inbox. I know what you’re thinking, but it really wasn’t as bad as it looked. It was just a well-hearted, clean conversation about her status, and I didn’t want to friend her in order to comment on it. So in the end, it looked like I was hiding a “secret inappropriate message” to another girl. Angel and I texted most of the morning and talked it over: we made amends.

After she got off work earlier than usual. (3pm) She thought it would be a good idea to visit her son at the cemetery. I’d never gone with her before, (or to any cemetery for that matter), so I was a bit nervous. It turned out to be a very good experience for both of us. There’s something about being in a cemetery that just makes it alright to talk about certain things. 

We then had a short visit with a long-time friend of hers, then visited her dad’s house. He’s somewhat of an alcoholic, so we pretty much prepared for the worst. Nonetheless, he wasn’t drunk (or didn’t appear to be), and it was also a very nice visit. We hadn’t eaten anything at all that morning or afternoon, and so ate lunch at Jack’s. I’m not going to lie, we were super cute. Nothing but bacon-laden smiles and nice conversation. After that we went to her mom’s house and spent the better part of the evening there. Angelica and her sister played Super Mario Bro’s Wii, and Bowser kicked their asses. But everyone was having a lot of fun, and the shear fact that I have a girlfriend that has the determination to sit and play videogames and encounter boss fights (at all), is priceless to me.

On the way home, we talked again about that morning’s incident. We cleared a lot of air, and made our points. After taking care of a few chores it was off to bed. We got tangled, (gentleman’s speak) and spent the next several hours talking. We talked about the past, we talked about the present, and we talked about the future. Then out of nowhere she says, “I have a great idea— exactly one year from today, I want to marry you.” (I swear she wasn’t drunk! XD) After that we had a good heart-to-heart, and really put our emotions on the table about how we feel about each other, and the events that led to that moment. And I’m happy to say, that We’re going to spend this next year learning how to be the best thing for each other, and a year from today (middle of last night), we’ll see where our love has taken us.

Life has the funniest way of making Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X. Not sure if that applies, but I’ll go with it. And so again, through another’s experience from the other side of the equation, we learn that “You’re not always your type’s type.”