I feel like I’m the king of the friendzone. I can turn from a love interest into a platonic friend in 2 seconds flat.

Female Logic

One of the most frustrating social conventions for me would have to be that men have to initiate, pay for, and vocalize everything FOR WOMEN. So what we get are a bunch of girls who are waiting to be asked on a date, whom have never bothered to give a hint at whether or not they would even accept the offer. It’s like Russian Roulette on the guy’s end of things.

If a guy complains that a girl doesn’t want him, it’s because he’s offered his feelings and has been shot down. When a girl complains that a man doesn’t want her, it’s because she’s over-thought the idea so much that she’s talked herself out of even liking the guy anymore because she’s convinced that he doesn’t like her back.

Why do I have to be so attracted to shy girls! ?

They always break plans and wait for you to text first. They make no moves, but give all the signals. They get nervous and anxious around you, and never ask questions.

Here I sit, stood up for the 4th time and ready to throw in the towel. Jane Doe, if you’re reading this, MAKE A MOVE!

Service those sensitive plumbing parts!

What is it with guys not giving oral to girls!? You have no idea how many girls come to me and tell me they’ve been sexually active for several years and have yet to receive oral from any guy.

Poor things! I wish I could just take you all in and take care of you like lil orphans. My doors are always open. :3

If you wanna talk to me, fine.

But if you’re also talking to my best friend, count me out of that dance party. I don’t do that dance.

Best friends according to Kevin.

I think I’m going to be one of those guys that both craves close friendship with another guys, but avoids them at the same time. I imagine it being a mix of “too close” and “never close enough”. Every best friend I ever had eventually disappeared without a trace. I met my first best friend while fighting over a girl, and I recently lost my last best friend the same way. It’s just not worth it anymore. No more brothers or “brothers” for me.

My best friend treats girls like shit.

And I’m too much of a pussy to tell him. Why do I have to carry his guilt? Because someone has to feel it, and it’s clearly not going to be him.

That moment when you don’t care whether your crushes like you back, because knowing that they missed their shot is that much more rewarding.