Into the Flood Again...

I feel like I’m the king of the friendzone. I can turn from a love interest into a platonic friend in 2 seconds flat.

1. DO NOT choose between two best friends after you’ve already expressed interest in both.

2. DO NOT get involved with one of the two, then move onto the other.

3. DO NOT suggest that the one you chose second agree to a threesome with the one you chose before him.

4. DO NOT ignore your boyfriend/girlfriend when they say that you are not over the first choice that you promised to let go of.

5. DO NOT juggle both of these people in your heart in secret. Or misrepresent your feelings to either.

6. DO NOT allow the former choice to expose their nakedness to you, especially in front of the latter choice.

7. NEVER condone the nakedness of the former, should they chose to reveal their nakedness to you. 

8. NEVER show affection towards the former choice, especially in front of the latter choice.

9. NEVER spend time alone with the former at the expense of the latter’s trust in you.

10. If you’ve failed to follow steps 1-9, then DO NOT be surprised when you find yourself fucking the person who came before the person you’re with. 

11. DO NOT keep your cheating a secret for any extended length of time. The longer you wait to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, the longer your boyfriend/girlfriend will be aware that you are able to deceptively appear innocent. 

11. NEVER, EVER beg to be forgiven for cheating, if you’re not prepared to be treated like a cheater until you’ve proven yourself trustworthy again. 

12. If you’ve failed to follow all of these steps, DO NOT be surprised that your boyfriend/girlfriend has been secretly looking for your replacement since step 3. He/She is justified.

13. And lastly, YES you are now considered a SLUT. 

I think I’m going to be one of those guys that both craves close friendship with another guys, but avoids them at the same time. I imagine it being a mix of “too close” and “never close enough”. Every best friend I ever had eventually disappeared without a trace. I met my first best friend while fighting over a girl, and I recently lost my last best friend the same way. It’s just not worth it anymore. No more brothers or “brothers” for me.